By The Numbers

3 – The number of jokes I was able to make it through during the monologue of Jimmy Fallon’s new tenure as the host of Late Night on NBC before changing the channels.

1997 – The year I thought I was transported back to after watching the opening of last weekend’s episode of MadTV where they had Jerry Springer as a special guest and then proceeded to perform a typically lame spoof of his Mr. Springer’s formerly popular talk show.

Infinity – The number of laughs that Jon Stewart provides for me each night on the Daily Show, especially his current “War of Words” with Financial Talking Head Jim Kramer from CNBC. Bonus Points to Comedy Central for the new Demetri Martin sketch show Important Things which ranges from good to great from episode to episode.

2 – As in 2 percent of the $410 billion dollar Omnibus Spending Bill that President Obama recently signed which will go toward the supposedly outrageous, dangerous and incendiary “earmarks” and “pork barrel projects” that most Congressional Republicans have been trying to convince the public is going to end America as we know it. Can I defend or even pretend that I know the existence of or even understand the purpose of all these many different projects? No, but do we really need the guys responsible for directing the economy into it’s current shit storm down-the-drain situation acting so high and mighty purely for grasping at straws political gain? No, we don’t need that either.

Dos – I didn’t want to use the number two again, so I went for a little Espanola instead. There are dos performances left of Are You MAD Yet? We Are! – A comedy rebuttal to the March madness of politics, panic, drought and depression. This Friday and Saturday night at the historical Bastrop Opera House with shows starting at 7:30pm. Tickets are $5 with an optional dinner at 6:30pm for an additional $15 and it is catered by Fat Cat Caterers. These are zany and course burlesque and vaudeville skits that will have you rolling in the aisles with laughter. As always tickets and more info available at: www.bastropoperahouse.com.

5 – The number of years I have worked with my current employer, Austin Regional Clinic as of the 15th.

10 – The number of months which had previously been the longest period of time for me to hold down a single job.

11 – The number of months which my longest romantic relationship has ever lasted. That’s right, never had a one-year anniversary. I’m so pathetic it hurts. Kind of hard to tell where the sarcasm stops and the truth starts at this point isn’t it?

22 – The number of days until I get to Bruce Springsteen & the E-Street Band live in concert, followed two days later by my 27th birthday which will be spent on a fishing trip at Colorado Bend with father and godfather.

98 – The score (out of 100) that my brilliant young cousin (and namesake) Brent Michael scored on his 3rd grade Reading TAAKS test.

7 – The number of injuries or illnesses that I’ve already incurred during 2 ½ months of this new year. Not a good start, but I’m hoping to turn a corner.

20 – The average number of degrees in Fahrenheit that temperatures in the month of February were warmer than normal here in Austin.

27 - The number of days between this post and my last.